06/26/2017

Hey dolls!

Do you what’s crazy? I slept for a few hours last night but I woke up well rested lol and to some pictures of puppies from my sister. Isn’t she the best? 

So I was thinking last night what if I succeed? What if I become everything I could ever imagine… then what?   How will I use that success? You know what’s hard? Living in the past. I have tried so many times to forget but it just doesn’t work, the problem doesn’t go away just because…

It’s hard living with the same wounds because some days you think it’s all better but most days like today the pain cuts deep into your soul and you think it’s never going to get better. One thing that keeps surprising me is how shocked I am when all the emotions come rushing in… You would think by now I would be adjusted to the pain but I guess not. Today’s episode happened in the shower and I almost lost it for a moment but then all of my emotions were replaced by fear…. Fear is the second to the last emotion that ends my episodes. It’s fear, then deep regret, blame shifting and then I remember God then I become calm,  and my episode ends. Some days I feel like a crazy person going through all of these emotions all at once but I have to do what I have to do. I want to heal correctly so from here on out I can only live to the best of my ability. I just need to find a better way to make these episodes shorter.