Sometimes I can be an indirect person just because I have a hard time sharing my feelings and communicating in general. The thing with communication with me is that I have trust issues. It is not that I don’t know what to say but I think to myself “are you worthy of what I have to say? “What made you earn the right to my deepest, darkest shadows that lurk in the darkest part of my mind. What made you earn the “right” to the demons that keep me up at night telling me everything will not be ok. What made you earn the “right” to understand my train of thoughts and how I flip and flop each day because I crave constant love and attention… what and who gave you that “right” is what I think to myself. It’s not that I think that I’m better than anybody but I’ve gotten to the point in my life where all that’s left with me is myself. I feel the need to protect myself because I believe no one will.
I feel like the people that are around me needs to earn parts of my life, they need to earn my pain, earn my small victories, my joy, and my full personality. I can not keep giving to people who don’t deserve me. That’s kinda where I’m at today. Everyday is a different day and with each new day comes new opportunities to be a better you. I’m working on becoming a better me. Life can only go up from here. ?